dawn charity relay run later tonight. sector 7 oic… don’t even know for sure who/what/where/when. and i’m supposed to take care of that 7-8 km stretch. urgh.
hope i don’t get lost. moving out at 2359 tonight for deployment along my sector. run starts at 3.15… hopefully everything will be over by 12 tomorrow.
Gary :: Mar.31.2002 :: Old Deadjournal posts :: No Comments »
i feel so lost. don’t know what to do. i thought i was over her but something deep inside keeps telling me i’m not. each time i see her everything comes back to me again. the past.. all those wonderful times i spent in her company. a feeling of bliss uncomparable. and just last night i lost it all. just like that. wasn’t surprised thought… like a final confirmation of a nagging suspicion. wanted so badly to get myself drunk. i’ve been there before. i’m happy there. couldn’t even find someone to confide in. felt like crying, but a branded wound can’t bleed.
it hurts. hurts like hell. don’t know if i’ll get over it, but i wish i will. don’t know how i can ever bear speaking to her again. i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know.
need to scream to rant to cry but no one will listen.
had a dream filled sleep.dreamt of her i think.all a blur now.
don’t have the mood to go for yoke’s party later.
wrote march the 28th last night.
Gary :: Mar.29.2002 :: Old Deadjournal posts :: No Comments »
I’m a man of my word
I mean what I say
My pledge is my bond
Well that’s just my way
When you’ve made a promise
To someone who’s gone
Well that’s when forever
Seems a little too long
I’m a man of my word
And I made you a vow
I swore that I’d love you
And I can’t change that now
They tell me I’m free
To find someone new
I just don’t have the heart
‘Cause I gave mine to you
I said my love
Would last for all time
And no one would take your place
Well if that promise
Was the last sound you heard
Well you know I kept it
I’m a man of my word
I’m a man of my word
And it’s cost me so dear
‘Cause those words are a prison
Without you here
And I’ll go to my grave
With this torch held high
But just once I wish
I had told you a lie.
Yes I’ll always love you
I’m a man of my word
Gary :: Mar.28.2002 :: Old Deadjournal posts :: No Comments »
Two Teardrops
—————–
Two teardrops were floatin’ down the river
One teardrop said to the other
I’m from the soft blue eyes of a woman in love
I’m a tear of joy she couldn’t carry
She was so happy she just got married
I was on her cheek when she wiped me away with her glove
I could tell from the look on her face she didn’t need me
So I drifted on down and caught me a ride to the sea
The other tear said we’ve got a connection
I’m a tear of sorrow born of rejection
I’m from the sad brown eyes of her old flame
She told him they would be lifelong companions
Left him with questions and not any answers
I was on his cheek as he stood there calling her name
I could tell he had a lot of my friends for company
So I drifted on down and caught me a ride to the sea
Oh the ocean’s a little bit bigger tonight
Two more teardrops somebody cried
One of them happy and one of them bluer than blue
The tide goes out and the tide comes in
And someday they’ll be teardrops again
Released in a moment of pleasure or a moment of pain
Then they drift on down and ride to the sea again
Last night I sat in the waiting room
The nurse walked in and gave me the news
It’s a baby girl and they’re both fine
An old man sittin’ not 10 feet away
Just lost his wife and he said to me
You’ve got a brand new angel and I’ve lost mine
I guess the good Lord giveth and the good Lord taketh away
And we both wiped a teardrop from our face
Oh the ocean’s a little bit bigger tonight
Two more teardrops somebody cried
One of them happy and one of them bluer than blue
The tide goes out and the tide comes in
A whole new circle of life begins
Where tears are a part of the pleasure and part of the pain
‘Til they drift on down and ride to the sea again
Two teardrops floatin’ down the river
Two teardrops floatin’ down the river
Gary :: Mar.28.2002 :: Old Deadjournal posts :: No Comments »
just came back from medical checkup at ntu. big big place…. would’ve gotten lost if not for julynn bringing me around. usual things.. eh.. urine test, eye test, etc. met xiaowei who showed up to change her dressing (she scalded her hand while making herself breakfast, so i heard.) poor thing. was over in about 30 mins. still have to go for an xray at JP tomorrow. just left the med center when news came in that joanna’s mother passed away. cancer. sigh… so depressing. went to jul’s room to wait for news and see if anyone wanted to go down today. plan changed it till tomorrow. might as well… then i can have go for my xray and then head straight down towards tanah merah mrt at 7 for the wake.
jul’s room quite cosy. hopefully mine will be somewhat like hers… hall 7’s so idyllic, conducive for sleeping, which is good. she pushed both beds in the room side by side so that they formed a large queen sized outfit… nice…. and the medals… so many medals. joked to her that if she wore them all at once she’d break her neck. she’s still as sweet…. hasn’t changed much over the years. ha…
feeling bored now. apprehensive about ntu. WHY AM I FEELING THIS WAY? never mind. top priority is getting out of the damned armed forces… worry about studies in oh.. say, 3 months time.
wonder who’ll be showing up tomorrow.
Gary :: Mar.27.2002 :: Old Deadjournal posts :: No Comments »
today. kinda nervous… haha esp after the safety pin was pulled. could feel my fingers squeezing the damn thing really hard. those who say they weren’t nervous are either lying or simply too shallow to bother contemplating the aftereffects. *fling… boom* and it was all over. i actually sauntered into the throwing bay with a helmet on my head, rifle on my back, a handgrenade in one hand and a packet of rice (lunch) in the other. now how many ppl can actually say they’ve done that?? haha… something to remember.
ah well… tired. shall stop here.
PS. noticed a sign at the range. it was big, red, and official.
“<i>ALL PERSONNEL <b>IS</b> TO…</i>”
sigh. (refer to post made a few days back.)
Gary :: Mar.24.2002 :: Old Deadjournal posts :: No Comments »
Went to the SAFE superstore warehouse sale today. turned up at 10.16 to find a whole hoarde of ppl queueing up outside the closed doors. within five minutes the crowd had swelled to more than 300 ppl, and the queue snaked back round the corner of the building. they had to let ppl in in batches, and i managed to join the first one.
yay. bought discman. two-fifty.
when i left, the queue was still damn long.
Gary :: Mar.23.2002 :: Old Deadjournal posts :: No Comments »
finally… managed to convince the people with rank that i had nothing to do with aforementioned vehicles accident… so for the time being, my 7 extras will not materialise… unless, of course, they change their minds.
did guard duty on the 19th. in the hours spent watching grass grow and spiders weaving their webs etc… i’d time to ponder over a couple of things.
most markedly… standard of english in the army. eh… you seldom come across any worse. in BMT, every mealtime, as we stood like idiots in the parade square awaiting a seat in the cookhouse, the muslim eaters would be instructed to fall out first. yah. that’s right. muslim eaters. that’s what they call the people who eat muslim food. brings to mind hoards of ravenous people gathered around a cadaver of one of our friendly brown-skinned friends - suitably sauted to perfection. *BING! may i have your attention, gentlemen… if it so happens that your meal is female, kindly remove and dispose of the <i>tudung</i> before consumption. the incinerators can be found at the rear and sides of the dining hall. if in doubt over proper handling, kindly seek the assistence of one of our well-trained banglas. thank you. BONG!*
hmm…. and we drink from jelly cans. no, not <i>jerry</i> cans, <i>jelly</i> cans. sigh.
let’s talk about paperwork next. i’m just skimming the surface here… but i feel i really ought to point out that someone in the battalion can’t spell guard.
i just filled up a gurad commander ammo form. and it’s not a typo. it’s on 3 forms. gurad. yeah. passing resemblence to gonad. and my drawer is full of acknoledment forms. for me to acknowledge.
and usherers. in my world, if someone USHERS, he’s an USHER. the army employs many usherers, so people won’t lose their way. it’s almost as if my ushers are doing a poor job. so are my marshals. sure, they marshal well, but it seems they’re not as good at it as the marshallers. i’ve withnessed it myself. yup. even as i sit here and rot, i’m withnessing the marshallers on the road outside doing a damn good job. yup. the army’s pretty idiot proof. if a book is meant to keep track of personnel who book in after 2359, (that’s 11.59pm for you civilians) it will probably be called the “PERSONNELS-BOOKING-IN-AFTER-2359 BOOK” no joke. and note the “s” after “personnel”. that’s right in the same league as the “CIVILIAN ACKNOLEDMENT SLIP RECORD BOOK” and the “SPECIALISTS BOOK IN BOOK OUT BOOK” of course the former keeps records of civilian acknowledgement slips and the latter keeps track of the specialists’ who book in and those who book out. that’s like telling me the thing which is slimy, purple, has four arms and carries a machine gun is called a slimy, purple, four-armed machine-gun-carrying monster.
utter crap.
PS. played snooker just now. 5 games. $15. nice.
Gary :: Mar.21.2002 :: Old Deadjournal posts :: No Comments »
<center>
<img src=”http://www.cyberway.com.sg/~recoil1/dayview.jpg”>
hmmm… it’s about to rain.
</center>
Gary :: Mar.18.2002 :: Old Deadjournal posts :: No Comments »
<center>
<img src=”http://www.cyberway.com.sg/~recoil1/nightview.jpg”>
</center>
Gary :: Mar.17.2002 :: Old Deadjournal posts :: No Comments »