The North-East Line Review
Went for a ride on the NEL this afternoon. Treated it as more of an experiment, really. Was my first opportunity to actually travel on the NEL, and wanted to see if getting to Dhoby Ghaut from Outram Park would take less time as opposed to me hopping on the eastbound then changing to the northbound at Raffles Place.
Anyway, the first thing one might notice when one steps into an NEL station is the sheer SIZE of it. Cool, whitewashed walls, froody LED displays, looooooong (and i mean loooooooong) escalators and really high ceilings make the place look like some space-age hangar. the dhoby ghaut station even has travelators, for crying out loud. arty-farty decorative panels line the walls, and as you tread briskly through the long walkways, security cameras watch your every step.
With all that, the place reminds me of some top secret lab facility (a la half life). even the tunnels have fluorescent lighting every 30 m or so… perfect for dramatic shadows when the aliens are trying to sneak up on you.
Arriving on the platform, i head straight for the map, and the first thing that hits me is that HarbourFront is designated NE1, whereas Outram Park, immediately following, is designated NE3. Now, THAT CAN’T BE RIGHT, can it? Maybe someone can’t count, or maybe we are MISSING A STATION. Whaddaya say to that? I THINK WE’RE MISSING A STATION. Where’s the logic? I see no logic in numbering consecutive stops with non-consecutive numbers. What’s wrong with NE2? Someone’s unlucky number? Bad karma? Or did the fengshui man advice against it? That’s not all… once you realize they missed out NE2, you’ll realize that <b>every single station</b> after that is numbered wrongly. Kinda pisses me off that NE6 should really be NE5.
Presently, the train arrives, and I get on, settling into one of the large, oversized seats. Now that’s something they did right; large seats. More comfortable than those teeny ones you get on the regular lines. I am just getting comfy when I notice the large glass windows across the aisle distort reflections… making them look hideous. NOOOO…. Meaning that unlike the trains on the N/S or E/W lines, if a chiobu gets on, and settles into a seat in the same row as the one you’re on, you can’t watch her in the reflection without feeling as though you’re watching a wildebeest documentary on Animal Planet. Argh.
At this point some of you might start complaining that I whine too much. As George Carlin once said, “I don’t have pet peeves. I have Major Psychotic Fucking Hatreds.” Well, unlike Mister Carlin, I don’t have Major Psychotic Fucking Hatreds, I have pet peeves. So there. Can you live with that?
Yet another gripe: driverless trains. It doesn’t feel right to be speeding through the bowels of urban Singapore at 70 km/h in a tiny steel caboose with NO ONE IN CONTROL. I like the sense of security provided by someone who knows what the hell is going on at any one time, even if he’s not doing anything else save sitting there. What if there’s a bomb scare? And I’m trampled into the floor by stampeding aunties? Who’s gonna calm the crowd, open the emergency doors and call in an SOS? The old guy opposite me slumped in the oversized seat looking really contented and comfortable with his fly wide open? (Yes. There was such a guy.) I think not…
The remainder of the journey to Dhoby Ghaut turned out uneventful, apart from the VPIS at one point flashing the message “SBSTransit Welcome You!”
Blargh. Not only can someone not count, someone needs to work on his / her grammar too.
<b>Thus, The Gary Review says:</b>
<i>The NEL gets <b>three-and-a-half obese old women out of five obese old women</b>. Could’ve been four, but only because it took the same amount of time to get to Dhoby Ghaut as it would have taken had I boarded the northbound at Raffles Place interchange.</i>
Gary @ 25 Jun 2003 :: Old Deadjournal posts :: No Comments »