neverforeverdotnet

STOMPer Milton Tan was shocked by the sight of the group ‘fooling around’ on the lorry, as the vehicle they were on sped down the Central Expressway yesterday morning (Dec 28).

Mr Tan, who is the director of the Design Singapore Council, said: “It was an accident waiting to happen.

“If the lorry suddenly stopped, they would tumble onto the highway and could be run over.”

The men appeared to be part of a funeral band. They were sitting on plastic stools on the lorry, said Mr Tan.

Hmm… It seems the director of the Design Singapore Council failed basic physics as a kid. “If the lorry suddenly stopped”, the mysterious forces of nature (p = mv) would pull the boys into the vehicle, not scatter them mercilessly over the cold, unfeeling tarmac.

The only way the aforementioned scenario could happen is if the lorry were speeding arse-first down Singapore’s world-class highway - something which I doubt very much it was doing.

Gary :: Dec.28.2007 :: Bitchin', General, Fucked up :: 3 Comments »

Erowid is no longer accessible in Singapore. What the fuck? This didn’t use to be the case.

Access Denied
The requested URL has been denied

You are not allowed to access the URL:
http://www.erowid.org/psychoactives/psychoactives.shtml

Reason:

* Request has been denied by access control configuration specified by the Central Narcotics Bureau.
* Under the Misuse of Drugs Act (Chapter 185), it is an offence to consume, possess, traffic, import, export, manufacture, or cultivate controlled drugs.

For more information, please contact Central Narcotics Bureau.

Just because I access the site doesn’t mean I’m a junkie, nor does it mean I would like to be - the same way accessing NBA’s official site doesn’t make me a professional basketball player. I don’t even smoke, for fuck’s sake. I take this personally. What next? Wikipedia?

Internet censorship is plain ineffective, downright stupid and not to mention irritating. Now I have to go through a proxy to access it. Get high on that, CNB.

Gary :: Dec.22.2007 :: Bitchin', A thousand words, All the news that's fit to print, Fucked up, Stifle me, stifle you :: 4 Comments »

Scene: A McDonald’s counter. Lao Beng, a thirty-ish fellow with a dark complexion, extended pinky fingernail and a buddha bracelet around his neck is attempting to place an order with the Auntie behind the counter.

Lao Beng: Ah, gim me de ah, garlic jiken.

Auntie behind counter: Hah? Wat garlic jiken??

LB: De garlic jiken! (points)

ABC: Orh!! Grilled jiken ah?

LB: Ah..? (pause) Ah ya la ya la grilled jiken la.

ABC:Folover hah?

LB:Ah dio… foh over!

LB looks uncertain

ABC: Loti bao bak eh si boh?

LB: Ah dio la… dio… dio.

finis

Lesson number wan ah, si gina. Stay in skoo. No excue hor. Skoo sibeh impotent. Espeslly plamy wan. Damn easy to pass one la… don’t scared.

Gary :: Sep.25.2007 :: A thousand words, General, Sad, Fucked up :: No Comments »

Just as the US has its share of dumbfucks seeing the Virgin Mary in tortillas and such, we have idiots to call our own.

Furniture exporter Charlie Lim, 50, said: ‘We’ve had enough of all the monkey business. These people don’t live here, so they don’t realise the ruckus and inconvenience we’ve had to put up with.’

Mr Lim’s frustrated outburst was echoed by most residents who spoke to The New Paper on Sunday.

Kudos to TNP for the hard-hitting journalism, and the simian pun.

Link.

Gary :: Sep.24.2007 :: All the news that's fit to print, WTF, Fucked up, Dumbfuck :: No Comments »

some bloody idiot tossed a cigarette butt into this bin at a bus stop near my place.

A bus pulled into the stop, and the driver got off the bus and put the flame out with his fire extinguisher.

This public-spirited act took less than 2 minutes from start to end, but unfortunately managed to elicit very loud, harsh, selfish, sarcastic and completely uncalled-for remarks from an elderly couple on board. They made comments such as:

“If I were rushing to work, I’d be late!”
“No one is paying you extra, why are you firefighting?”
“I bet if the extinguisher were his own, he wouldn’t use it.”
(Woman, to husband) “What do you think he’s thinking of?”
(Reply) “Firefighting, what else??”

People like these make me sick.

Gary :: Jul.09.2007 :: A thousand words, All the news that's fit to print, Sad, Fucked up, I hope you die under a bus :: No Comments »

Have you ever wondered what would happen if an amusement park carousel, filled with thrill seekers and spinning merrily away should happen to catch fire without warning? Do you stop the ride and sacrifice the poor soul who’ll end up in the flame, or do you keep it going so that everyone gets a chance to whiz through it at regular intervals?

Have you ever wondered what a spectacle it’d make?

Me neither, but here’s what it looks like anyway.

Gary :: Jun.11.2007 :: A thousand words, All the news that's fit to print, WTF, Fucked up :: No Comments »

If you’re unfamiliar with the pop-port, it’s that useless bus on the bottom of every Nokia phone. The thing that’s supposed to interface with every possible crap cable that they throw your way. It works, but only in theory, because it stops working the way it should after about 4 weeks. I’m sure anyone with a Nokia and who uses a corded headset or a USB data cable can attest to this. The thing is fidgety and unreliable and takes (for me at least) an average of 5-6 connects and re-connects before the “connected” icon on the phone even shows up. And even if it does, that’s no guarantee that the phone will stay connected for the duration of the data transfer - giving the average consumer an experience more fucked up than a 4 year old kid raping his grandmother and spitting in her face and cutting her throat at the same time.

In my latest episode, after the usual formalities of connecting and disconnecting and cursing and swearing, i finally managed to get all my pictures out of the phone (some by manually transferring one at a time, because the damn OS is so unresponsive it makes Terri Schiavo look absolutely raring to go) with the exception of one, which the phone repeatedly insisted “cannot be found”… Never mind that it was appearing in the explorer window and that I could view it from within the phone itself.

In the end, I gave up and emailed the motherfucking picture to myself.

The chances of me buying an N95 has just dropped to zero.

Gary :: Apr.15.2007 :: Bitchin', Fucked up :: No Comments »

Micheal Slater’s comment (in the BF2 / Black Hawk Down post) about the Engrish found in the trailer brings to mind an earlier episode of cross-cultural ha-ha which I chanced upon last year…

Seriously, what better time could there possibly be to revisit these classic CNY songs… in English?

Don’t nail me for the holiday rerun… Mediacorp does it all the time.

Gary :: Feb.18.2007 :: Funny, A thousand words, Sad, Fucked up :: No Comments »

My monitor is dying. The red channel is totally gone, leaving everything a shade of a rather funky cyan. When I thump the table it flickers back to its original colours for about 1/3 of a second, then reverts to a nice blinding neon-blue. I’ve artificially removed the red channel of a screenshot in photoshop to better give you an idea of what the hell I’m experiencing right now:

Here’s screenshot regular:

and here’s screenshot decaf. Notice the total lack of red.

They look identical on my monitor, and to tell the truth, I had them mixed up for the past ten minutes. I’m only confident they’re in the right place because my colours just came back as I am typing this sentence. I even named the files wrongly… the second screenshot is numbered #1 and vice versa…

Fark. My eyes hurt.

Gary :: Jan.21.2007 :: Sad, Fucked up :: No Comments »

This is the kind of thing you receive for Christmas in nightmares. The kind of thing you’d give someone as a joke, or a punishment. I’d very willingly pay someone to take it from me.

This makes me appreciate my PSP so much, I just want to hug it now.

UPDATE: The Neo Double Game! ta-daaaa….

For those of you not familiar with what exactly the Double Game is trying to rip off, Here’s a link to the original.

Gary :: Jan.06.2007 :: Tech, WTF, Sad, Fucked up :: No Comments »